Every once in a while, these days often during the online “Poetry Heals” (free) workshop, my mind uncovers a deep emotion or collection of thoughts and images that lay themselves out as a poem. Such happened last night.
I want to open up my mind to the endings. Not more beginnings. What do I want to carry with me to the end of all?
Looking back, I can see how softly life has dealt with me. Buffered from what was really life.
I want to savor culminations and completions, now. The satisfaction of sensing— seeing—the fulfillment of dreams becoming reality at last.
I have given up on getting back to sleep, tonight (this morning?) after waking up feeling dehydrated, two hours ago. Could not breathe comfortably, and so got up to pour a cup of cold water from the fridge. (Pulse = 79bpm, SpO2 = 97%.) I did get three to four hours of broken sleep at lights out.
puppy tucked in at my side
his contented snores
I may try for heating a cup of Toddy coffee in the microwave, since it doesn’t seem I will get back to sleep before sunrise. As I let the Scamper pups outside at bedtime, I could see the light on the newly falling snow, and wished it had started sooner, so that I could have gotten some photographs. Soon there will be no more chances for snowflake photos, this winter, and the wind has been such that the crystalline structure survived the fall. Too, the flakes have been beaten to motes by wind gusts. They have not been moist and heavy enough to cling to the tree branches.
I have WP classes via Zoom just after lunch on Wednesday and Thursday. Hoping to find out what the new protocols and codes are involved in the revamping of the WordPress redo. Personally, I would that I would not have to take time from writing to look into the innards of the platform. Hand coding the HTML web pages was a breeze, back in the day. And I didn’t mind dBase for keeping track of client base and receipts. I suspect that I have more patience, but less tolerance for dealing with the mechanics of it all.
I expect the sun to rise any time, now, and so Toddy coffee and a second sleep before breakfast and the waking of other of us.
Oddly, the poem below is part of my response to a poem, “Oneness”, published in Call Me by My True Names, by Thich Nhat Hanh (1993). Showed up in my FB feed, today. The lovely and frightening aspect of quarantine during a pandemic is the abundance of unstructured time available. Also, I imagine, it is one of the benefits of growing older and thriving in the current physical environment. Not a lot of people, but lots of books and quiet and dogs that fall asleep in my lap.
created by choice
to love and be loved forever…
absent from my eyes
for just a little while
never absent from your heart
and you, ever with me—
in my mind and my arms,
your laughing voice on the wind
“Birds near a Mountain Stream by Herman Henstenburgh (c.1683-c.1726). Original from the Rijks Museum. Digitally enhanced by rawpixel.” by Free Public Domain Illustrations by rawpixel is licensed under CC BY 2.0